she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
