shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
