I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
