I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
