totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
