How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
