I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
