I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
