dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
