i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
