I like my sex mixed with concussions.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
