i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
