Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
