roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
