and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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