You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
