Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
