walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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