well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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