some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Randomize
