This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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