I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
His hands were made for my vagina.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
