Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
