I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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