Pappa wants mamma naked
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
