so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
