I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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