Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Randomize
