Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
