You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
