so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Randomize
