I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
