sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
