im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
