Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
