i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
