I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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