it was like eating out sand paper
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
