After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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