I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
