It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
