Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
