found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
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