he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
