I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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