yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
