The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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