i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
