I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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