i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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