have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
