You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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